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k-pop, college and single motherhood. what a good life i lead. i didn't get any D's this semester. just B's and C's and I'm really proud of myself. it's not the greatest improvement but it is something and that's what counts. i'm doing my internship now and it's quite possibly the most fun thing i've ever done. i'm really get to see how a tv station makes the actual channel air and it's really awesome. i'm also going to be learning some aspects of production and i absolutely cannot wait. i'm learning so much about a culture that is not mine and it's really fascinating. so fascinating in fact that i'm seriously considering moving to Asia. i would love to raise Lilli there and i think it would be great. we'll see what happens after graduation. at the very least i'll apply and if i don't make it, i don't make, but if i do...

need to lose weight. that's my biggest worry lately. i think i'm going to starve myself. i think it might work. also, i've stopped biting my nails mostly. it's so cool because i'm actually taking interest in my looks. i try to do my hair and my makeup and if i get skinny it'll just be the icing on the cake, right. well, we'll see what happens. also, i have to work on shaving my legs more often.
Wow, I am an absolutely failtastic journaler. I don't know why. I mean, so much has happened in my life and no one will ever know and that makes me really sad for some reason. Maybe I'll try again. No goals, because those don't work out and I only look like an idiot when I fail. Maybe I'll just write when I feel like it and if that's every day or once a year, then it must be enough, right?

I don't want to say anything right now. Maybe that's why I'm bad at this. I have things I could say, I just don't want to take the time to say them. I should work on that.

Jan. 29th, 2013

I forgot to write yesterday. Oops. I didn't mean to. The first two days of classes went really well however. Except for French, I'm pretty positive that this is going to be a great semester. I get another class with the awesome as awesome can be Dr. Cornelius. That has me really excited. My communication and creative writing classes also seem like they're going to be interesting. i'm glad about that. The teachers seem like they know their subjects and want to share them in a fun and exciting way. I've got reading to do, so I've got to go.

Jan. 27th, 2013

You never realize just how much crap you really have until you try to either pack or unpack it. My god, I seriously did not know I had all of this stuff. It's kind of ridiculous. I've still got three boxes left to go through and I already have almost two full decently sized boxes to take to GoodWill. The good news is is that Lilli's stuff is pretty much done. I just have her 15 coats to go through. I think I'll probably keep 3-5, but she doesn't need 15. I found a nice little consignment shop and I've set aside some stuff to give to them. I hope they'll take some of it. I was ruthless in decideing if it was good enough to even try. My shirts are going to be hard. I'm going to have a reason to keep every one and I'm just oign to have to grit my teeth and say, "no, i don't need it". I'm really sad right now however,because I can't find my wii fit game. I have one more box to go through. I honestly thought it was just desk stuff but it must have some other little things. If the game isn't in there, as well as a couple of others, I'll have to lodge a complaint with Katie. That's not bad though, I think, that so far, I'm only missing just a couple of wii games. They still could have saved my command hooks though. I really would have appreciated that. Anyhow, school starts tomorrow and I'm excited. I have a class with Cornelius and I really love those. It's going to be hard and require a lot of work but I just need to put my nose to the grindstone and do it. I think it's all going to work out okay. Tonight's goal is to be settled, with the lights off, by midnight. I totally don't think it's going to happen, but I'm going to try.

Jan. 26th, 2013

so, i lied. i'm not leaving tumblr. i'm frighteningly addicted to it. but, i'm addicted to LJ as well. i love you both adn could never leave one of you. and i'm still here, aren't I? i think i've only missed like four days this month so far. i'm ridiculously proud of myself for that. it's not perfect, but it's a step in the right direction. i'm writing out something every day. yeah, it may not be important or particularly profound but i'm using words and creating sentences, which is something that i don't feel i've been working on doing spontaneously in a while now. lilli and i are slowly settling ourselves into this new room. there is just so much freaking stuff to go through/put away. i don't know how i collected it all. i definantly have a couple of boxes set aside to go to the good will. other than that, there will be people back on campus tomorrow as classes do start monday. i'm so excited to see my friends. i haven't seen them since we left for break (obviously) and we're all going to be reunited. it's going to be awesome.

Jan. 25th, 2013

So, I'm quitting tumblr. That means this blog is about to get a lot more active. I was doing a weight loss challenge on tumblr, but their new blogging style is no longer comfortable for me. I'm coming back to you for good baby! I feel really good otherwise about today. We had our WWC spring meeting and I won a $50 giftcard to giant. It's always nice to win money, ya know? i also cooked lilli a homemade dinner. it wasn't much. just baked potatoes and veggie burgers, but I had to put time and care into it and it made me feel so good. still working on unpacking but we're settling into the new room quite nicely. 

Jan. 24th, 2013

Lilli's birthday party was a success. The kids made it through the game and about half the craft before they began running around like little crazies. It was adorable though. I think that all the kids enjoyed it and the parents seemed to think it went pretty good as well. My room is slowly but surely coming along. I still have nine boxes of clothing to go through, but I've got almost everything else that doesn't belong in my desk put away. I'm happy about that. I've also got my car emptied out about 60% of the way from all the stuff I brought back with me from home. That's pretty good for me when I've only been home for two days. I really need to look in my box of desk stuff and see if they kept my command hooks. If they didn't I need to get new ones. my bare walls are really freaking me out and bothering me. It just looks so plain and stark. I don't like it at all.

Jan. 23rd, 2013

I'm home. And I'm very happy. I've got a lot of work ahead of me though. due to some issues with our dorm being ridiculously old, I've had to have all my things moved. that means that they packed everything up in boxes and put it in my new room. i ahve no idea where anything is really, even though they labelled things. it's a big pile of boxes to me and now i have to sort it all out. plus, i still have to get all of my stuff out of my car. this is going to be a reallly fun weekend. i can tell. anyhow, it's nice to be back on campus. freezing cold, but nice. i'm going grocery shopping tomorrow and i'm going to shop as clean as possible,. that means new recipies and trying veggies. ugh. it's going to be fun. i hope. lilli's birthday party is tomorrow. it's the first official birthday party she's ever had. i'm really excited for her.

Jan. 21st, 2013

I GO HOME TOMORROW! I'm so excited. I can't wait. Like, my family is great, but after being away from them for so long, i've forgotten how annoying they an be. Also, just how small this house is. So, I'm breathing a sigh of relief. One more night and i'm back home. thank god.

I

I just want to go home. Will probably head out tomorrow/Monday. I can't stand it here anymore. Now that I've been away, I don't know how to live with my mother anymore. It sucks but it's true. This house is truly not my home anymore. It's where my family is. A place to visit. Not a place to live. Sometimes growing up really sucks.